It's Sad

Its sad.
How the faces you see everyday grow on you, and you hear the names over a million times, but just cant seem to place that face. That same face you passed just two minutes before. So you stand there, that stupid grin painted on your face. But here it comes. Shit. Ya see, they remember you. Hell, they know all about you. They remember bumping into you 3 years earlier and having that deep conversation on just how mild the salsa was. Now you just feel like shit. Shit. But you'll pretend to remember them. And standing there, you think to yourself, nothing could be worse than this moment right here. Oh how embarrassing. Just nod your head and smile, they will never catch on. Just at that moment, you get a phone call. Your uncle John just died. So you're heart drops, you're in, what people with intellect would call, shock. That person, the nameless face before you has no idea what just happened. So of course, they put the cautious face on. Ya see, they think you have history, enough to comfort you no matter the situation.
Its sad.
That at that very moment, on the phone with your aunt Alice, who is breaking down, what pops into your head? Vinny. Vinny with the salsa at Katie's party three years back, how could you have forgotten? You had a blast that night. Especially when Jeff threw up all over Katie, you laughed so hard you spit your drink all over Natalie, the poor new girl who never saw it coming.
It's sad.
With your family all around, you cant even shed one tear? Looking down at the man that you once looked up to, you cant help but realize all the family you never even knew you had. Since when were there so many cousins? Who was Lacey's parents? And why wont that kid in the back pipe down. You're supposed to be mourning, but how could you mourn with the 8 year old terror screaming in the back. The 8 year old son. Walking towards the back of the room you see the faces of these poor, pathetic people. Tears were no stranger to their faces. Sitting between two people, you knew nothing about. They're getting tears all over the shoulders of your top. Who were they to think you comforting? they have no idea just how little you feel.
Its sad.
Sitting at the table, listening to all the stories of the good times, you can hear the tears hit the newly pressed cloth, but all you can think about is whether you want the chicken parmigiana, or the sirloin steak with the baked potato. "Are you ready?". Bells go off in your head, but you know you're not the first at the table. These things go clockwise and she is no where near you. "Hunny how about you go first?". What? How could she? What, because dear Aunt Carol cant make up her mind, you have to? Well its too late you cant make this poor woman making minimum wage to just pay her electricity bill wait. When making your decision on pure instinct, You cant help but notice the bruises on the womans arm. Abuse. This woman was abused, you just know it. She seemed timid before she even spoke.
Its sad.
That while dropping the tattered rose by the casket all you can think about is what you ordered for lunch. Why didn't you get the sirloin steak and that baked potato? You just had to stick with the safe choice, couldnt live life on the edge in the slightest bit. Fear. Fear of change. The chicken was good, no doubt about it, but the potato would have hit the spot. Look at him, You never saw him look better. Make up could do that to you. You feel something, you finally feel something. Is it possible? Is this finally hitting you? Nope. Thats the chicken repeating on you. You see? The steak was the better choice.
Its sad.
To this day you have no clue how to handle what happened. No words to say to the 8 year old terror. No comfort to your Aunt Alice, the loss of mind. You see your family all the time. You laugh and joke around. No one dare mention Uncle John. What would you have to say about that day anyway? The chicken was terrible, you nearly shit yourself.
Its sad.
I fear i miss him most.